The MissLLaneEous EP

by Lois Tucker

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about

A collection of songs written between 2009-2011 which (with the exception of 'Really & True') were created for a night called the 'Village Green Preservation Society', held at The Betsey Trotwood in London, organised by Angela 'Piney Gir' Penhaglion, Ceri Ashcroft and Emit Bloch. Good times!

The songs were recorded between 2009 and 2014 with the help of my epically musical brother, Jae Kerwood.


You can find Jae elsewhere on Bandcamp
here:
chokingdolphin.bandcamp.com

and here:
zealousyen.bandcamp.com

credits

released January 27, 2016

All songs by Lois Tucker.

Recorded and produced by Jae Kerwood.


Lois Tucker: vocals; guitar - except 'I'm an Android (Baby)'; kazoo; harmonies; clapping; whistling; zombie noises.

Jae Kerwood: thigh slapping; keyboard (glockenspiel, accordion and drum sounds); guitar and harmonies on 'I'm an Android (Baby)'; clapping; whistling; zombie noises; hundreds and thousands; 'drunken' chatting and singing.

Immi Tucker: whistling; 'drunken' chatting and singing.

Gwen Tucker, Emma Growley-Jackson, Dan Jackson: 'drunken' chatting and singing.

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

Lois Tucker London, UK

Born in Hillingdon during the final gasps of the 70's, Lois lives in London and writes silly, catchy songs.

contact / help

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Track Name: Really & True
Once I thought you were the bollocks;
Saw the sun shining right from your arse.
There was just nothing that you couldn't do,
You were the best of the bunch.
Then you showed me your true colours...
I sacked you off, baby, in a flash.
You say I'm wrong not to give you a chance,
But, now, I think you'll find...

I miss you like a stone in my shoe,
P'raps even two,
Thorn in my side,
Stye in my eye,
Like a big gaping hole in my abdomen
(One that just shouldn't be there),
Wasp in my drink,
Shit in the sink,
Decapitation, you see the link?
Really and true, my life is just great without you.

But you say, every day,
That you are quite ok.

Once this would've made a difference,
I'd take on board your every word,
But now I've seen what a wanker you are -
Darling, you're wasting your time.
It's best that you head to the exit,
Make your excuses and piss right off.
Most definitely your number is up.
Get the hell out of my face.

I miss you like a hole in the head,
Mouldy old bread,
Big rabid dog,
Maggoty frog,
Like impaling myself on a metal pole
(Without taking painkillers first),
Arsenic and mace,
Slap in the face,
Like finding my intestines are all over the place.
Really and true, my life is just great without you.

I think it's clear, while you're still here,
That you should disappear.

My patience it wanes, just look at me veins.
You really best be leaving or you'll feel more than pains.
Totally true, my life is just great without you,
Boo hoo.
Really and true, my life is just great without you.
Track Name: I'm an Android (Baby)
My name is Lucille and I’m pleased to reveal
That I’m not simply flesh and blood, despite my first appearance -
I am wired inside, I can safely confide,
And underneath the surface lurks all kinds of unseen force.
I may be petite and you might think I’m sweet,
Which can come in quite handy if I need to play that card.
I’m 102 although I look all brand new.
My knowledge bank is infinite and constantly updates.

I’m efficient, proficient, magnetic, energetic
My uses are so many, listing all would be a task.
I’ve been made to be the best. You can put me to the test
And every time I’m out in front - you’ll never see me fail.

‘Cos

I’m an Android, Baby. (Android.)
I’m a super human mechanoid.
I’m an Android, Baby. (Android.)
That’s a fact that you cannot avoid. (You cannot avoid.)
I’m an Android, Baby,
An Android, Baby,
An Android, Baby.
I'm an Android.
An Android.

I have three sep’rate heats and detachable parts
Which makes me very versatile, I think you will agree.
At a super fast rate I can regenerate
So don’t think you can stop me if you’re brandishing a gun.
It should be no surprise that I can see through your lies
As I can read your workings like a very open book.
I can calculate sums whilst breaking your thumbs
If I have deemed it necess’ry that both are done at once.

I am charming, alarming, logical, methodical.
I have no set allegiances so best keep on your toes.
I’ve spent decades out in space on a military base
And now I’m making headway on this planet you call Earth.

I’m an Android, Baby. (Android.)
I’m a super human mechanoid.
I’m an Android, Baby. (Android.)
That’s a fact that you cannot avoid. (You cannot avoid.)
I’m an Android, Baby,
An Android, Baby,
An Android, Baby,
And by 'Baby'
I don't mean 'baby'.

Lazers in my eyes – comply and no-one dies.
I have no need to hurt you I just want to get things done.
You want to know my plan? Right now I will take your van.
That’s all you need to know for now, you’d better start to run.

‘Cos

I’m an Android, Baby. (Android.)
I’m a super human mechanoid.
I’m an Android, Baby. (Android.)
That’s a fact that you cannot avoid. (You cannot avoid.)
I’m an Android, Baby,
An Android, Baby,
An Android, Baby.
I'm an Android.
An Android.
An Android.
An Android.

My name is Lucille and I’m pleased to reveal
That I’m not simply flesh and blood, despite my first appearance.
Track Name: The Last Two Zombies in the World
All alone on a desolate globe:
The last two zombies in the world.
No more humans left to eat,
Dead, or alive, or undead, or unsure.
All is quiet, all is still -
The zombie apocalypse has now come to pass,
Leaving the last two zombies in the world.

Hungry and smelly but mostly unfazed:
The last two zombies in the world,
Lurching across the empty streets,
Somehow avoiding the fire and debris.
Not much else can really be done,
The time for salvation is well in the past,
There's just the last two zombies in the world.

Hand in hand in hand in hand:
The last two zombies in the world.
A faint trail of blood is left in their wake;
Carrion crows, they circle above.
We knew it would come, the end of all days,
But nobody figured on just how fast,
Now there's the last two zombies in the world.

Seemingly out of nowhere it strikes
The last two zombies in the world,
That only one course of action remains.
They can't carry on - it has to be now.
The sun starts to set as they slowly embrace.
Pieces of flesh now rain on the grass.
Goodbye to the last two zombies in the world.

Goodbye to the last two zombies in the world.
Track Name: Love Song 333
I don't want to be your fantasy,
I want to be your beautiful reality.
There's no pretence on this side of the fence,
There's pretty much transparency - to me it makes sense.
I want no eggshells in my path,
I'm simply not that keen on eggy aftermath.
Let's keep it straight, right from the start.
I want it genuine if it involves my heart.
Don't waste my time and make my brown eyes blue.

Romance should definitely play a part
And a wild imagination ain't a poisoned dart
But a pedestal is uncomfortable,
Impractical, immovable - you're likely to fall.
I'm often great, this much is true
But I'm certainly not perfect and n-neither are you.
If you take on board the fact I'm flawed
There'll be firmer foundations for me to be adored.
I recommend a realistic view.

I'm not always going to make you burst with joy
And you certainly won't ever be the ultimate boy -
There'll be tears and shouts and falling outs
And on more than one occasion we will surely have doubts,
But this certainly doesn't mean we've somehow failed a test.
Be prepared for dodgy patches if you're going to invest.
An open mind is best I find
So expect a few surprises once you're Valentined
And if it's worth it we will make it through.

So let's give it a go, you never know,
This might be quite fantastic, get your baggage in tow.
You show me yours I'll show you mine
And maybe some time later we'll be doing fine.
If you've fallen for the me that's me,
And not the someone I'm somehow supposed to be,
What we share might get us there
And maybe with our flaws we'll make the perfect pair
And p'raps our true love will be true.
Don't waste my time and make my brown eyes blue.
I recommend a realistic view
And if it's worth it we will make it through.
Track Name: It's SO GOOD not to Feel Shitty
It's so good not to feel shitty,
To greet the new day with a grin,
To roll out of bed with a clear headed head
Prepared to take stuff on the chin.
You may feel decidedly witty,
Your step may be peppered with spring,
'Cos it sucks so much arse to feel shitty
That not feeling shitty's the thing.

You may have been under the weather,
You may have been feeling the blues,
You may've been quite sad 'cos you'd done something bad
That was plastered all over the news.
Maybe your head had been pounding
From a night that was furnished with booze,
But that time has now past and you're chipper at last
And you actually feel quite enthused

'Cos

It's so good not to feel shitty, (SHITTY!)
To greet the new day with a grin, (TING!)
To roll out of bed with a clear headed head
Prepared to take stuff on the chin. (POW!)
You may feel decidedly witty, (HA HA HAA!)
Your step may be peppered with spring (BOING!)
'Cos it sucks so much arse to feel shitty (SHITTY!)
That not feeling shitty's the thing.

P'raps you've been quite broken hearted,
P'raps you've been feeling the strain,
P'raps you've been kicking yourself in the head
Again and again and again and again and again and a...
Maybe your nights had been sleepless
And your chutzpah was starting to wane,
But now you're on track and your sparkle is back
Your laughter is hard to contain

'Cos

It's so good not to feel shitty, (SHITTY!)
That not feeling shitty's the thing.

When you're down on your luck or in a bad funk you're stuck
It can feel like you're all out to sea.
It seems the way back is something you lack
And maybe you'll never be free.
Just keep your eye on the horizon
And watch for the flare in the air,
Then reset your course and with ultimate force
Just get the hell right outta there.

This week you can't stop from smiling,
There's a shift in your general demeanour,
And it's quite crystal clear that the good times are here,
Something for which you couldn't be keener

'Cos

It's so good not to feel shitty, (SHITTY!)
To greet the new day with a grin, (TING!)
To roll out of bed with a clear headed head
Prepared to take stuff on the chin. (POW!)
You may feel decidedly witty, (HA HA HAA!)
Your step may be peppered with spring, (BOING!)
'Cos it sucks so much arse to feel shitty (SHITTY!)
That not feeling shitty's the thing.
'Cos it sucks so much arse to feel shitty (SHITTY!)
That not feeling shitty's the thing.
'Cos it sucks so much arse to feel shitty (SHITTY!)
That not feeling shitty's the thing.